Poetic Suicide

Do I need reason to exist?
Why must I have explanation for my impetuous decision to be who I am
to live free
But why do these cynical thoughts of a failed/ deferred goals imprison me
im Hindered. Lost. Like a soldier. Beaten. Wounded. Lost to Defeat.
There was a time when I was the soul driven by immoveable ambitions
I climb. I conquer. I believed In a Successful destiny.
Give up? Who? Never Me?
I am a Leader. A Believer. A dreamer.
I am the goat. Determined to climb to the top by any means.
The world on My Back. Digression On my  Feet.
But still I climb. I motivate. I never give up....
..But then I did Give up...
Adversity Intruded like a thief in the night...
Knocked me down.. Now i cant even rhyme right
My vision obscured...My thoughts altered..All i feel is Piercing strife...
Thoughts of suicide invade me. Why am I alive...
Sitting up at night with the knife by my side...
The pain stings as i begin to slice...i wont go to deep...
Might as well end it all.. My Demons lay awake whispering...
Daring Me to Commit the ultimate crime...Part of me wants to die...part is scared to die
I Pray. "God Where are You"?
...this cant be life...
Im tired of the strife.  I want to end it all..it just might be tonight